


let's start at the end

by perfectlyrose



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Stranded, set during s8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 01:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19122226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfectlyrose/pseuds/perfectlyrose
Summary: Keith looks up sharply. “Why do youcare?” He hates that his voice breaks over the last word.Shiro looks gutted, hovering several feet away still. “Because you’re my friend,” he answers. His voice cracks too, but Keith doesn’t find any solace in it.Keith bites down hard on his lower lip. “No,” he says after a moment, staring Shiro down. “You don’t get to say that when you’ve treated me like a stranger for months.Months, Shiro.”Things have been tense between Keith and Shiro for months when they end up stranded on an alien planet together. With nothing to do but wait out the storm, something has to give.





	let's start at the end

**Author's Note:**

> a cleaned up/slightly expanded version of [this twitter thread](https://twitter.com/LionessNapping/status/1129113224723542017?s=20)!
> 
> for extra emotions, listen to [Broke](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EipTyn-wBvc) by Lauren Aquilina and [Talk to Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAtvCIx_l9o) by the same artist. Title is from her song "Irrelevant"
> 
> thanks to [kika](https://twitter.com/B1ackPa1adins) for the beta! you're the best! ♥

* * *

_Let's start at the end  
Becoming strangers once again _

* * *

 

Things have been tense between Keith and Shiro for months now. What had started as split second moments of awkwardness on the way back to Earth has bloomed into vast, empty silences ever since Keith awoke in the hospital after the battle for Earth.

Shiro had visited that day, still in full uniform after speaking at the memorial, naked relief on his face at seeing Keith awake. He’d sat at Keith’s bedside for a few minutes, talking with an ease that’d been missing for a while. Keith’s heart had fluttered and then a nurse stuck her head in the room and told Shiro that someone was calling the desk for him. The professional mask of Captain Shirogane had fallen into place and Keith isn’t sure he’s gotten to see behind it since.

He mostly tries to pretend that it doesn’t hurt.

At this point, a couple months into the Altas’s first foray into deep space, he thinks he’s pretty good at it.

Keith resettles into his place leaning against an open piece of wall at the back of the bridge. He’d rather be out training, but the rest of the team deserved a day off and he isn’t feeling up to the disapproving looks that taking Black out on his own gets him these days.

“Do we have any information on this planet?” Shiro asks, addressing the question to his bridge crew. “Atmosphere? Inhabitants?”

Keith bites the inside of his cheek, hard.

“Atmosphere is safe for humans. Plenty of oxygen,” a science officer that Keith doesn’t recognize pipes up. “Unpredictable weather patterns but temperate climate.”

“No information on any inhabitants,” Veronica says. “Might only contain native wildlife, not civilization.”

“Good,” Shiro says with a grin that has more emotion behind it than Keith’s seen in ages. “We normally send a survey ship down to get readings, right?”

Veronica nods, narrowing her eyes at the captain, already suspecting he is up to something.

“Call off whoever is scheduled,” Shiro says. “I want to stretch my legs.”

“Captain, are you sure?”

Shiro raises an eyebrow. “Tell them I’ll be in the hanger in ten. You’re in charge, Veronica.”

Veronica mumbles something under her breath and taps orders into her console. The officer next to her snorts and Keith can guess as to what she said. Louder, she gives a “Yes, sir.”

Shiro turns and walks off the bridge, door hissing as it opens and closes behind him. Keith hesitates for a second before following him.

“You sure this is a good idea?” Keith asks, jogging to catch up to Shiro. “We barely know anything about this planet.”

“Sending someone down regardless,” Shiro says, barely glancing over at Keith as he falls into step with him. “Might as well be me.”

“Dangerous to send down the captain of the vessel for a survey,” Keith presses. He has a bad feeling about this and he’s learned not to ignore those, even if it means enduring a conversation where Shiro treats him like a particularly annoying subordinate that he’s humoring.

Shiro sighs. “I haven’t been off the ship since we launched, Keith.”

Keith jolts at his name. It’s been “paladins” since the launch, at least. “Black Paladin” in meetings.

A tiny bloom of hope unfurls in his chest. “Going a little stir-crazy?” he asks, daring to tease a little.

Shiro nods. “Milkrun survey mission at least gets me out there for a couple vargas.”

“Want me to come with?” Keith offers before he can hold back the words.

Shiro’s mouth twists and the ease that had started to steal over his expression disappears. “I don’t need a babysitter,” he says, voice tight.

Keith flinches but he covers it with a scowl, that bloom of hope crushed under Shiro’s heel. “Just thought you might want a friend,” he snaps back. “Forgot for a second there that you decided I don’t qualify anymore.”

He doesn’t wait to see if Shiro has a response for him, just peels off down one of the side corridors, fists clenched at his sides. Should’ve fucking known better than to think anything had changed just because Shiro opened up a miniscule amount, he thinks, clenching his jaw.

He pulls out his comm and punches in Pidge’s code.

“Are you working on the lions or can I take Black out?” he asks by way of greeting.

“All the lions are down for maintenance,” she answers. “Running system upgrades.”

He lets out a sigh. “Okay. Good luck.”

“Don’t need luck,” she shoots back immediately, then pauses. “Are you okay?” Her voice is hesitant. Keith knows she doesn’t like talking about emotions much, but she cares deeply about their little family and doesn’t like them being out of sorts.

Pidge is a lot like him in a lot of ways, so he tries to not be anything but honest with her. “Not really,” he admits. “Just in a bad mood and wanted to go fly.”

He hears typing in the background.

“Go down to Hangar Four,” she says. “They’ll have that Olkari fusion ship we’ve been fixing up ready to go for you. She needs a test flight anyways.”

Keith pauses. “I don’t have to use one of those impossible circlet things, right?”

“Nope, adapted for humans,” she assures him.

“Thanks, Pidge.”

“Have fun,” she says before hanging up.

Keith quirks a smile. At least he still has the rest of the team, even if Shiro’s determined to be a dick.

He’s near his room so he slips in and changes into his armor before making for Hangar Four.

Hopefully flying will clear his head.

 

The Olkari fusion ship moves decently, but Keith starts keeping an audio log five minutes into the test flight of little hitches in the handling as he puts it through its paces. He thinks there are some places where the adjustments to human controls aren’t quite up to par.

It’s a good distraction, at least.

He’s been speeding around for almost a varga and is thinking about heading back when a transmission comes through, addressed to all Atlas associated ships.

“Attention: Contact with survey vessel to Grytix IV has been lost. Do not attempt to make planetfall until contact is reestablished.”

Ice runs down Keith’s spine.

Shiro. That survey ship is Shiro.

He quickly opens comms to the bridge. “This is the Black Paladin. Do we know why we’ve lost contact with the Captain?”

“A storm system entered the area where his last ping came from,” the same bland voice from the announcement answers. “Something about it is blocking all signals.”

“Was there a distress call?” He presses.

“Nothing, Keith,” Veronica cuts in. “He just went dark.”

“How long is that storm going to last?” He searches the system until he finds the coordinates of Shiro’s last known location and starts laying in a course.

“Don’t know,” she admits. “The weather down there is really unpredictable.”

“I’m going in after him,” Keith announces, already pulling his ship around to face Grytix IV. “Track my signal. I’m in the Olkari refit, maybe the different tech will get through the storm.”

“Bad idea,” Veronica says. He can picture her pinched expression and the sound of her frantic typing is loud and clear over the comms.

“Yeah, well, I’m full of those,” Keith snorts. “Figured both Shiro and Lance have made that clear by now.”

“We should wait for the storm to pass,” she argues, ignoring his quip. “Shiro’s probably fine.”

“You already said you don’t know how long that’ll take,” he says. Keith’s not going to risk Shiro on a _probably_. “We can’t leave him down there in unknown circumstances without backup for an undetermined amount of time.” His hands clench around the controls as he increases his speed.

“Can you at least take your Lion instead of an untested ship?” Veronica’s voice is laced with frustration.

“Nope. Lions are offline while Pidge works on them.”

“Are you going to listen if I order you not to do this? Or if I get someone else to?”

“Nope,” he repeats, adjusting for the correct entry angle. “I’ll transmit for as long as I can and I’ll try to let you know when I find Shiro.”

Before Veronica or anyone else on the line can do more than sputter, Keith guns it, heading straight for the last location Shiro’s beacon sent up a signal.

The ship shakes around him as he enters the atmosphere. His teeth rattle as he fights to stay on course.

“Ke-” His comms crackle and he can make out Pidge’s voice laced with panic. “Keith, pull up! That ship won’t survive breaking through atmosphere on that planet!”

“Too late,” he grits out. “Sorry I’m breaking your ship.”

“I’m not worried about the ship, you idiot!”

“I’ll survive,” he promises, quickly running through emergency protocols as the ship wails around him. “Always do, right?”

“I’m coming down there and kicking your ass as soon as I have the Lions up and running,” Pidge responds.

“Looking forward to it, Pidgeon.” The ship’s shaking intensifies and Keith silences all the warnings popping up on his screens so Pidge won’t hear them.

“I’m going to have to do a blind landing through this storm,” he says. If the ship lasts that long, he thinks. “Got any advice?”

“Are you in your armor?” Pidge asks. Comms are going staticky, cutting out.

“Yeah.” His grip on the controls is white-knuckled as he tries to keep his cool. Panicking is the worst thing he can do when his ship is malfunctioning.

Shiro’s mantra runs through his head, unbidden. _Patience yields focus._

He takes a deep breath amidst the chaos and focuses on Pidge’s voice and figuring out a way to survive this.

“As soon as you’re through atmo and the high clouds, just eject,” she instructs. “It’ll get you clear of whatever wreck that ship is going to be. There’s no way you’re going to be able to land it after the atmosphere is done shredding it.”

“Jumping into a storm’s always sounded like fun,” he quips.

“Keith.”

“Got it,” he promises. “I’ll see you on the other side, Pidge.”

“You better.”

Keith mutes his mic, takes a deep breath, and flies into the storm.

 

Keith stays in his failing ship for as long as possible, steering it towards what his map says is a stretch of open land. He can’t see anything, is completely enveloped in grey clouds. He prays there’s no lightning. There’s no way the ship would survive a direct strike.

He grits his teeth and holds on until the ship bursts out of the clouds. Wind is swirling, gusting, buffeting the ship from side to side. Rain pounds down on the metal and obscures his vision as much as the clouds had. The ship is hurtling towards the ground at an angle that Keith knows he can’t salvage.

There’s no way he can land safely. Keith unstraps himself from the pilot seat and places his hand over the door control. The ship shakes as it streaks towards the ground. Keith waits and waits and then slams his hand down.

The ship’s hatch opens with a scream and Keith is pulled out in an instant. The wind and rain send him tumbling head over heels. His heart races as he loses sight of the ground. He activates his jet pack, trying to stabilize as he hurtles towards the ground.

One spin shows him the flames shooting up from his ship, already reduced to scrap metal against the rocky surface. The wind tears him away and into another spin before he can catch more than a glimpse.

His jet pack does just enough to slow him down so hitting the ground only rattles his bones instead of shattering them.

It’s still not a good landing.

He sucks in a breath, wincing at the soreness of his ribs. He groans as he tries to roll over. Everything aches, but he has to find Shiro. He doesn’t know if he was already grounded when the storm hit or if his ship was caught in flight too. Finding Shiro means that means he needs to get to his feet. Keith redoubles his efforts.

He’s halfway to his feet and focusing on breathing through the pain when he hears someone shouting.

Keith reaches for his bayard on instinct, still on his knees. “Shiro?” He calls out. He really hopes that it’s not an unknown native inhabitant running at him but, better safe than sorry.

Shiro skids to a stop in front of him, Atlas flight suit splattered with grey mud.

“Keith?” he asks incredulously. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Yeah, sure, great to see you too,” he mutters. Keith pushes Shiro’s hands away when he tries to help him up.

“Was that your ship that crashed?” Shiro’s hands are still awkwardly between them, like he’s expecting Keith to tip over any second.

Keith straightens, ribs protesting the movement. “Yeah.” He runs his tongue over his teeth and tastes blood. “Fuck.”

“Anyone else with you?” Shiro asks, tone clipped.

“No, just me.” He finally looks up into Shiro’s face and finds him studying his face, expression giving away nothing.

“Come on,” he says, jerking his head off to the left, “I found shelter. There’s some cave systems over this way.”

He leads them through the pounding rain in silence, the only indication that he’s aware of Keith’s presence is that he slows his gait slightly.

Keith doesn’t want to be thankful, it tastes like ash on his tongue, but his very bruised hip and knees are grateful for the slow pace.

As soon as they duck into the cave Shiro cose, Keith pulls off his helmet. The rage of the storm is muted from in here, a dull roar instead of almost deafening.

Shiro tugs off his own helmet and stares at Keith for a long moment.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Shiro asks, voice flat. His eyes bore into Keith’s for a moment before settling over his shoulder.

Keith almost wants Shiro’s anger. Anything’s better than these coldly neutral looks.

Something in Keith, the part that’s still an undersized cadet that just wants to do well, wants to curl up and cry at being treated like a nameless, misbehaving subordinate. He tilts his chin up in defiance instead. It worked well enough as a front back then and it’ll work now.

“Your comms went dark,” he says, as emotionless as Shiro. “I was already out doing a test flight, figured someone should come make sure you weren’t dead.”

“So you almost killed _yourself_ in the process?” Shiro hisses, eyes flashing. He clenches his jaw like he wants to take the words back.

Keith stiffens, bruised skin protesting as he stands as straight as possible. “Like you would’ve cared,” he snarls.

And fuck, that’s the rub here, isn’t it? Shiro’s been treating him like a stranger for months and Keith _still_ jumped headfirst into potential danger to save him. With the way he’s been acting, Shiro would probably be more distraught over having to find a new Black Paladin than losing Keith.

Shiro looks like he’s been punched by Keith’s words and it just makes Keith angrier.

He has no right to be hurt by this, not when it’s his fault. He needs to deal with the consequences, too.

“Keith…” he tries.

“I don’t want to hear it,” Keith spits out. He holds on tight to his anger, letting the burn of it obscure the throbbing hurt he’s been dealing with since Shiro started looking through him. “The way you’ve been treating me since we got back to Earth has been loud and clear.”

Keith pauses. “Sorry to bother you by actually caring,” he says, words coming out a little too soft. He bristles at his own lapse and takes advantage of Shiro’s continued silence to walk away, back towards the mouth of the cave.

Shiro finds his tongue again. “Don’t go,” he calls after him, a hint of desperation tinting his voice. Wringing emotion out of the stone Shiro’s become feels like a hollow victory, under the circumstances.

“I’m not an idiot, Shiro,” Keith snaps back. He slides down the wall with a wince, turning his face away from Shiro. “I’m just getting out of your space. I do eventually pick up on hints.”

His heart aches more than his abused body. He wishes venting his anger made it go away, wishes it could burn the hurt out of him completely. All it does is make it hurt worse.

The only sound in the cave for the next half a varga is the rain and wind and the occasional scrape of Shiro’s flight suit against rock.

Keith presses his forehead against his sore knees and tries to reach out to Black. Maybe she’ll come get him so he doesn’t have to sit here with Shiro until the storm stops and a rescue can be mounted.

All he gets in response is a single low rumble and the overwhelming sense that Black thinks he’s fine and should deal with this.

Keith growls back mentally.

 

“Hey Keith?” Shiro ventures finally, hesitating lacing his voice. “Do you know how long this storm is going to last? I couldn’t get any readings on it.”

“No. Atlas didn’t even have an estimate for me, which is why I wasn’t waiting it out.” Keith answers, not lifting his head.

Silence stretches between them, tense and oppressive.

Shiro is the one who breaks it again. “You don’t have to come charging after me all the time, you know,” he says, sounding almost nonchalant.

Keith sucks in a breath. “Yeah, well, you should be more careful so I can stop.”

“You could’ve _died_.” Shiro reiterates. “I was fine down here.”

“Well, I didn’t know that,” Keith snaps. “No one knew if the storm caught you while you were still flying or if it was more dangerous than water and wind or what the situation was.”

“Managed to land as soon as the storm hit. Minor wing damage, might sustain more being out there,” Shiro rattles off. “But I was _fine_.”

“Yeah, I got it,” Keith says. “Don’t need a babysitter. You’ve said.”

The anger sits heavy and cold in his stomach now.

“That’s not…” Shiro trails off. “I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier. That was uncalled for and I was taking out my frustration on you and it wasn’t fair to you.”

Keith stays quiet. He’s not ready to accept that apology or offer one in return. Not when he doesn’t mean it.

“Keith.” There’s a note of pleading in his voice.

Keith fists his hands, pressing his forehead harder against his knees. “Just… what do you want, Shiro?” Keith asks with a sigh. “You’ve already said more to me since I landed than you have outside of a meeting in months.”

“Since you _crashed_ ,” Shiro emphasizes. “You can’t keep… I saw the ship crash and there was no way anyone could’ve… you could’ve _died_ , Keith.”

“I promised Pidge I wouldn’t,” Keith replies. “I actually keep my promises.”

Shiro makes a slightly pained noise and then draws in a deep breath. “Do they know you’re okay?”

“No. My comms went dark too. They know my ship was breaking up in atmo and that I was going to bail out. Pidge’s orders.”

He turns his head to look at Shiro finally, finding him staring right back from across the cave. “The storm isn’t what got me. I didn’t know until I was already entering atmo that the ship I was in couldn’t handle it.”

“What were you flying?”

“The Olkari refit. She needed a test flight, I needed to fly something. Black was out because Pidge was running upgrades.”

“Guess she won’t come get us, then?”

“Already asked. She wasn’t interested. Apparently we’re not in immediate danger.”

Shiro snorts and Keith hates that it almost makes him want to smile.

“So, all they know is that my ship crashed and you’re MIA. Probably won’t risk another ship until the storm passes.”

“Which we don’t know when that’ll happen.”

Keith grunts in agreement.

Silence falls again. Keith tries to straighten his leg and winces, breath punching out of him with the pain.

“Are you okay?”

Keith huffs out a laugh with absolutely no warmth. “Yeah, doing just fine, Shiro. Not like I crash-landed or anything.”

Shiro swears under his breath and moves towards Keith, slowing when he sees Keith flinch away. “Please let me help?”

“There’s nothing you can do. My hip’s bruised to hell and probably swollen. Got stiff while I was sitting here.” Keith rubs it, pointedly looking anywhere but at Shiro.

“What else is hurt?” There’s an urgency to his words, concern tinting them that Keith can’t deal with.

Keith looks up sharply. “Why do you _care_?” He hates that his voice breaks over the last word.

Shiro looks gutted, hovering several feet away still. “Because you’re my friend,” he answers. His voice cracks too, but Keith doesn’t find any solace in it.

Keith bites down hard on his lower lip. “No,” he says after a moment, staring Shiro down. “You don’t get to say that when you’ve treated me like a stranger for months. _Months_ , Shiro.”

When Shiro stays quiet, Keith continues. “Even when I crashed here, you fucking yelled at me instead of checking if I was okay. That’s not what a friend does. It’s not what _you_ do, except with me now.”

Guilt is painted over Shiro’s face as he opens his mouth and then closes it again without saying anything. He takes a few steps closer and sinks to the floor, just out of arm’s reach. “I’m sorry,” he chokes out finally. “For all of it.”

“Sorry’s not going to cut it this time,” Keith snaps out. “What did I _do_ to you, Shiro? What the hell did I do to deserve being shoved to the side and ignored like I was nothing more than a tactical asset you had in your pocket? Not even an acquaintance. An _asset_.”

The words are just falling out of him now.

“You’re my best friend, Shiro,” he says, voice raw, the deep hurt that’s made its home inside him leaking through. “Or you were. I deserve to know what _happened_.” He pushes down hard on his bruised hip, wanting the physical pain to ground him, distract him from the claws he’s raked across his own heart.

“You didn’t do anything,” Shiro says after a moment, voice hollow.

“Then what the fuck happened?” Keith presses. “Was it our fight? I know you remember it even if you won’t talk about it.” Shiro flinches and Keith swallows past the lump in his throat. “You remember what I said, don’t you?”

Shiro nods, a wary look on his face. “That’s not why I…”

“Why you what?” Keith asks. He hates the desperation that’s seeping into his words now. “Pulled away so much that I never even see you anymore? Pretend that you don’t know me any better than your second-shift bridge officers? Broke your promise to never give up on me?”

“I didn’t!” Shiro bursts out, shaking off whatever emotion had him almost frozen in place. “Keith, i didn’t give up on you.”

“Yeah. You did. And it fucking hurts.”

Shiro’s fingers dig into his own thigh like he’s restraining himself from reaching out to Keith. “I still believe in you, Keith. I’ve never stopped.”

“This isn’t about…” He cuts himself off with a shake of his head. “Can you drop the leader shit for five seconds, Shiro?”

“I’m not-”

“You _are_ ,” Keith cuts in. “You don’t even realize it anymore. You, Captain Shirogane, can say all you want that you believe in me, Leader of Voltron, and all it will mean is that you can trust me to not fuck up my job.” He sucks in a breath. “I know you still trust me to fly, but you gave up on me as a _person_ , Shiro.” His anger fades as he talks, leaving him feeling drained and empty. He’s so _tired_ of this. “That hurts a lot more that you questioning my leadership or whatever.”

Keith watches the bob of Shiro’s throat instead of his face, not wanting to see his expression yet.

“Keith,” Shiro says, voice rough over his name. “Look at me. Please.”

He reluctantly drags his eyes up to meet Shiro’s, surprised at the sheer amount of emotion swirling there. The Captain mask is gone and he doesn’t quite know what it means that Shiro isn’t hiding behind it now.

“Keith,” he starts, “when I say I believe in you I mean so much more than your piloting skills. I mean, you’re _incredible_ in the sky, but god, I lo-” he cuts off, gaze flitting away for a moment before meeting Keith’s again. “When I say I believe in you I mean _you_. As a person.”

“Shir-”

“Let me get this out? Please?”

Keith presses his lips together, pretending they’re not trembling and nods.

“I believe in your determination to do what you think is best or right, even when it puts you in danger. I believe in your loyalty to those you consider your friends and family. I believe in your stubbornness and how much you care about everyone, even if you hide it sometimes. You’re kind and loyal and stubborn and brilliant and I believe in all of those things because they make up you. But most of all, I believe in how _good_ you are. You’re _so_ good, Keith. You’re the best person I know.”

There’s no hiding the way his lower lip is trembling now. His eyes sting as he blinks back tears. “Then _why_ , Shiro? If you believe all that, why do you not even talk to me anymore?”

Shiro blinks and it sends tears rolling down his face. “Because I’m an idiot,” he says. “The biggest idiot, really.”

Keith doesn’t disagree but… “That’s not actually an answer.”

Shiro runs a hand through his hair tugging at it a little before letting his hand drop back to his lap. “I know, but it’s the root of everything.” His chin dips down and he looks over at Keith. “I just wanted you to know that I’m very aware of my own idiocy.”

“Shiro. Stop rambling and explain.”

Shiro draws in a shuddering breath and inches closer to Keith before starting.

“You’re right that I remember our fight,” he says. Keith sucks in a breath. They’ve never talked about it, not even in the immediate aftermath. “I have nightmares about it. A lot.”

“Me too,” Keith admits. He swipes the back of his hand over his eyes in a jerky motion. He doesn’t want to cry.

“And I do remember what you said when--” he cuts off and swallows, “when I was…”

Keith shifts his foot to press it against Shiro’s. “Yeah," he rasps out. He’s not ready to reach out yet, but he can offer this.

Shiro presses into the contact, slight though it is. He pulls in another breath. “I said it wasn’t why I pulled away,” Shiro starts slowly, “but it is part of it.”

Something hollows out in Keith’s chest. God, he thought… he thought he’d already hurt all he could over this already. He wraps his arms around himself, just trying to keep himself from falling apart.

“It didn’t have to _change_ anything,” Keith bites out. His voice is as hollow as his chest. “It’s mine to deal with. My feelings are mine to deal with, Shiro. Your friendship meant… means everything to me.” Keith closes his eyes. “I thought I was going to die and I needed…”

A pained noise escapes Shiro and suddenly the warm metal of his prosthetic is cupping Keith’s cheek, gently wiping away an escaped tear.

Keith appreciates that Shiro doesn’t try to come closer, just lets his hand cradle Keith’s face from a distance. He leans into it.

“Keith,” Shiro says, sounding wrecked.

Keith doesn’t open his eyes.

“God, I’m so bad at this,” Shiro mutters. Then, louder, “I didn’t mean that the way you’re thinking.”

Keith sniffles and looks over at Shiro again. “Then how did you mean it?”

Shiro takes a deep breath and swipes his thumb over Keith’s cheek like he’s drawing courage from the contact. “When I first woke up after Allura put me in this body, really woke up and rejoined the land of the living, everything seemed like too much. Too overwhelming.”

Keith nods. He remembers that. It’d been hard not to hover.

“I was trying to sort through having two sets of memories for the same span of time. The astral plane was… it was cold. Lonely.” He bites down on his lip. “I don’t think I was always… present. Or time worked differently. I don’t know.”

Keith rests his hand on Shiro’s metal wrist, silently offering support. He might be mad at Shiro, deeply hurt by him, but that doesn’t cancel out his need to make sure he’s okay.

“So, I was trying to deal with that and the clone’s memories that still mostly felt like mine somehow, and then…” He looks at Keith through his lashes, almost shy. It’s startling to Keith. “Then there was you.”

Keith’s breath catches. “What does that mean?” he chokes out. He knows what he _wants_ it to mean, but he knows better than to really hope at this point.

“You were the most overwhelming thing,” Shiro whispers. “You were suddenly older and even more beautiful and you’d told me…”

The sentence hangs without an ending. Keith doesn’t think either of them would survive any iteration of those three words right now. It would shatter them.

Shiro forges ahead. “You’d saved me again and you looked at me like I was whole and worthy of that.”

Keith has a deathgrip on Shiro’s wrist now. “You were,” he insists. “You are.”

Shiro shakes his head. “I was so messed up, Keith. I felt… broken in some fundamental way. I didn’t even know how to start dealing with it.”

“You could’ve talked to me,” Keith says. He can’t keep the pain out of his voice. “Or anyone.”

“I couldn’t leave the bunk room for more than a few minutes or look in a mirror without feeling like it was too much. Talking was out of the question. Especially with you.” He looks at Keith. “You’ve never bought into my bullshit. I couldn’t handle you seeing straight into me and witnessing how broken I was.”

“Is that why you switched over to Green?” That had been when Keith had started to really notice the way Shiro was pulling back, putting literal distance between them. It was the start of Keith not being able to read Shiro, even before he disappeared behind his Captain mask.

Shiro nods.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have gone,” Shiro says. “I knew we needed to talk about everything that had happened, but I didn’t feel ready. I thought if I had some time away from you to get my head together, I’d be ready.”

“You started avoiding me instead,” Keith says flatly.

Shiro looks morose, regretful. “I know. It was so stupid of me. I got caught up in my head. Every time I saw you I’d start getting anxious about having that conversation and everything I was feeling and it spiraled.” He casts his gaze to the floor next to Keith’s hip. “I keep saying I was overwhelmed, and I wish there was a better word. I twisted everything up and didn’t know how to untangle it.”

“Shiro,” Keith says, almost numb with disbelief. “You’ve ignored me for months. You could’ve just told me you weren’t ready to talk. I wouldn’t have pushed it.”

“I know,” Shiro says, dragging a hand over his face before gesticulating with it. “It just kept building up into this bigger and bigger thing in my head until it was too much and easier to just… ignore. I knew it was affecting you too and it just made it worse. I wanted to fix it, but I didn’t know how.”

Keith stares at him. “Treating me like a stranger and snapping at me all the time was not the answer.”

“There’s a reason I said at the beginning of this that I’ve been an idiot.”

“Anything, Shiro. You could’ve told me _anything_ and it would’ve been better than these last few months.”

Shiro snorts. “What was I supposed to do? Just walk up and say ‘Hey Keith, I know I almost killed you and permanently scarred your face and we haven’t talked about it at all, but I’m also in love with you and kind of terrified of it all because I’m so messed up and you deserve so much better than that and you also keep getting hurt trying to save me and that scares me too, but I’m not really ready to discuss any of it yet. Want to spar later?”

Keith stares at him open-mouthed, trying to process all that. He watches Shiro’s face go pale as his brain catches up with his mouth and he realizes exactly what he just said.

“Yeah,” Keith croaks out after a moment, before Shiro can start sputtering. “Yeah, that would’ve been perfect, Shiro.”

“I’m sorry,” Shiro says quickly. “I swear I didn’t--”

“Did you mean it?” Keith asks.

Shiro nods. “All of it. I understand if you don’t want to hear it now, though. I fucked up. A lot.”

“Yeah. You did,” Keith agrees. “But I think we can fix it, fix us, if you’re willing to try.”

Shiro’s nod is immediate and fervent. “I am. I really am, Keith.”

“You can’t shut me out again,” Keith says. “You have to talk to me before it gets this bad again.”

“I think I’ve learned my lesson.” Shiro’s smile is a tremulous thing; shaky and hopeful and beautiful because it’s just for Keith.

“I hope so,” Keith replies. He knows Shiro understands how much it means for Keith to be willing to open himself up to this hurt again, to give this second chance.

“I missed you,” Shiro whispers. His Altean hand comes up to cup Keith’s cheek again. It had fallen away at some point. “I missed you so much.”

“Your own damn fault,” Keith points out.

Shiro winces. “Yeah. I know.”

Keith offers half a smile. “But I missed you too.”

Shiro hesitates, obviously weighing his words before spitting them out. Keith barely has time for anxiety to set in before he speaks. “Can I say it again? On purpose this time?”

Keith nods.

Shiro moves closer again, leaving only about a foot of space between them. His thumb caresses Keith’s cheekbone. “I love you, Keith. So much. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before now and made you doubt it."

Keith’s breath hitches and he feels tears well up again. “I love you too, Shiro.” He deserves to hear it when they’re not fighting for their lives, he thinks.

Shiro’s eyes look wet too, but he’s smiling so wide and gentle and joyful that Keith’s heart flips at it.

“I haven’t forgiven you yet,” Keith warns. “We still need to figure things out and talk, but I still love you.”

Shiro nods quickly, shaking another tear loose. Keith wipes this one away. The warmth of Shiro’s skin beneath his thumb is almost too much.

“There’s a lot in what you said earlier that we’re going to have to talk about,” Keith tells him. He watches Shiro’s face still and the nervous way he quirks his lips and then tries to flatten them out. “But we don’t need to do that right away.”

“No?”

“Thanks to someone being an idiot, we have a few months worth of catching up to do, I think.” He pauses, smiling slightly. “We can work up to the heavy stuff.”

Shiro lets out a shaky breath and Keith continues. “Not everything has to be hard, Shiro. You’re the one who taught me that.”

He nods again. “I’m _so sorry_ for all of this, Keith,” he blurts out. The words seem to have escaped against his will.

“I won’t say it’s okay, but we’re working on it,” Keith says.

“When did you become the wise one?”

“Two years on the back of a space whale leaves a lot of time for thinking,” he says with a shrug.

“Will you tell me about some of your time there? One day?” Shiro asks shyly.

Keith smiles softly. “Sure, Shiro.”

Quiet sits between them for a few seconds, more comfortable than it’s been in ages. Then -- “Can I… can I hug you?”

Keith hesitates for a second before nodding.

Shiro scoots over and wraps his arms around Keith, burying his face in his shoulder, despite the fact that the armor can’t be comfortable against his face. Keith tucks his face against Shiro’s neck, cheek against the rough flight suit fabric. His hug is so warm and encompassing and it feels like _home_.

It’s enough to break Keith apart.

He’s quiet as he sobs into Shiro’s shoulder, the emotions of the last few months spilling out of him.

Shiro just sets his hand on the back of Keith’s neck where he can actually feel his touch on skin and rubs gently, fingers sometimes tangling in his hair. He lets Keith cry without shushing him or soothing him. He just holds Keith and lets him fall apart with the promise of being there on the other side to help pick up the pieces, if he wants a helping hand.

When Keith pulls back and wipes his eyes, Shiro lets him go.

“Thanks,” Keith rasps out. He’s too exhausted to feel embarrassed about losing it like that.

“Of course.” He squeezes Keith’s shoulder, a familiar comfort and reassurance, and then drops his hand into his own lap.

“So,” Keith says, wiping the last of his tears away. “We have an unknown amount of time before someone comes charging in to rescue us.”

“We do,” Shiro agrees, watching Keith’s face carefully.

“Want to get started on all that catching up? Don’t know when we’ll have time off together again.”

Shiro laughs. “So, being stranded on an alien planet in a freak monsoon after you crashed while trying to rescue me counts as time off?”

Keith raises an eyebrow. “We’re not working, are we?”

“Guess not,” Shiro agrees. “A real vacation.”

“Absolutely,” Keith deadpans. “Only two stars for accommodations though. Do better next time.”

Shiro laughs again and it feels like a victory. “Yes sir,” he promises.

This feels like the right path, Keith thinks as they slip into conversation like old times. There are some hitches when they touch on something uncomfortable, or a silence stretches too long, but it’s good.

He knows it will get even better.

They’re caught up in a good-natured argument about one of the new ship designs when both of their comms beep at the same time. They turn towards them and then the mouth of the cave in unison.

Neither of them had noticed the rain tapering off to a drizzle.

Keith ducks his head to hide a smile as Shiro helps him to his feet, careful of his bruised hip. He hobbles over to answer his comms, ready to catch hell from Pidge.

Shiro nudges his shoulder. “Ready to hitch a ride home?”

Keith thinks he’s already home now that Shiro’s back in his life, but he just smiles at Shiro. “Yeah. Think I am.”

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/LionessNapping) and [tumblr](http://perfectlyrose.tumblr.com)!
> 
> there may be a shiro pov of this at some point *eyes emoji*


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